Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Airport inSecurity 2008


"Flight 334 to Brussels leaving in 15 minutes from Gate 12"


"Mr. Lake...please remove all your clothing..put them in this bin..yes even those....

now please put on this terry robe for the flight..your clothing will be waiting for you when you disembark.."


"This way..Mr. Lake to the dental chair where the saliva will be suctioned out of your mouth...
good...."


"Boarding Pass..please...please dab that bead of sweat off your forehead before boarding..

"Thank you Mr. Lake...Enjoy your flight......"


On a heavier note...I found this poem in the pile of discarded preflight items..

They came for the boxcutters..I didn’t say anything..because I'm not a boxcutter
They came for the tweezers...I didn’t say anything..because I'm not a tweezers
They came for the shoes...I didn’t say anything..because I'm not a shoe
They came for the water bottles....I didn’t say anything..because I'm not a waterbottle
Then they came for me....and there was no one left to say anything

-Mascara




.

28 Comments:

Blogger anonym00kie said...

hilarioussss
did you write that poem??
omg so funny.. the worlds gone mad, i tell you!

August 16, 2006 10:21 AM  
Blogger exsemgirl said...

LOL!
So true. I have heard you cant take any cosmetics on flights WTH??

August 16, 2006 12:17 PM  
Blogger Eshet Chayil said...

It's insane how bad it's gotten. I was thinking the same thing as you. Soon we'll have to fly wearing nothing but what they give us. Scary though. But hey...you have to admit, it makes us safer. They've been coming up with the craziest ideas now on how to get planes down. I got a text message today saying a lady was pulled out for having matches, a screwdriver and vasoline. Vasoline? All too weird.

August 16, 2006 12:30 PM  
Blogger Limey2001 said...

my last flight i went on with a syringe..... let them try to take it!!

August 16, 2006 12:52 PM  
Blogger Limey2001 said...

As far as the beads of sweat, they are pyscologically profiling so if YOU ARE SWEATING you are branded a terrorist AND YOU DONT get on the flight... period!

August 16, 2006 12:54 PM  
Blogger Stacey said...

OMG, I am ROFLMAO!! This was tooooooo funny. :)

August 16, 2006 2:47 PM  
Blogger Lakewood Venter said...

poor mascara. sniff sniff

August 16, 2006 4:26 PM  
Blogger Also A Chussid said...

Stacy,

It won’t be funny when they will start to implement David’s prophesy.

David,

I am glad to hear your pa is still alive. For a minute I thought that he is...

August 16, 2006 5:10 PM  
Blogger FrumGirl said...

LOL that is too funny. I am so not looking forward to flying... great post David!

August 16, 2006 6:24 PM  
Blogger Lady-Light said...

(Stacey, what is "ROFLMAO?")
David, I fear that what you say (very funny, but simultaneously sad)might come to fruition. Problem is, they should be more concerned about behavior profiling than ridiculously focusing on the materials. I saw a TV news report & interview where the interviewee brought Israeli airport security up as an example we should follow: a deep interview of the passenger with specific questions, while observing his/her behavior. The US doesn't do that. It just makes you take off your shoes (!)

August 16, 2006 7:05 PM  
Blogger Also A Chussid said...

Lady Light,

Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off…

August 16, 2006 7:17 PM  
Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

lol... what's the world coming to :P

August 16, 2006 7:19 PM  
Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Very funny thanks for the laugh. Yeah it should not come true. Although some of it is true already.

August 16, 2006 8:12 PM  
Blogger Shopaholic said...

I actuly flew into London the DAY BEFORE the news broke out (B'H for that) and I had no problem with the added extra security we had two days later coming back. Best securty ever . bec we were flying from the UK, we had an extra security check right before we boarded the actual plane (after we showed our boarding passes) AND once the doors were closed and plane pulled away from the gate, we had to wait 1/2 hr for all passanger names to be screened by US Homeland Security before take off.
I have never felt more at ease, sure of security, on any flight other then that one.

The funny part was once we landed and the piolt made his standard anouncment which inculded "please refrain from using your cell phone until the plane has come to the gate and and the seat belt signs have been turned off. please watch when you open the overhead bins, things may have shifted during the flight... "
We all started to laugh and asked
"WHAT CELL PHONES?!? WHAT THINGS?!?"

August 16, 2006 10:40 PM  
Blogger Shoshana said...

All these security precautions, and when I flew out last week, they had everyone's checked bags sitting around the ticket counter, already checked, where anyone could slip anything inside. Didn't make me feel terribly safe.

August 17, 2006 8:09 AM  
Blogger anonym00kie said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 17, 2006 9:17 AM  
Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

anonym00kie....
No Mascara did..silly...
Thanks..

exsem....
they want to make sure everyone look ugly...theres too much hanky panky going on of airplanes...
lol

eshet...
omg..dont u know what u could make with vaseline matches and a scredriver??

limey...
lol...what, pray tell, were u doing with a syringe?...
for medication?

and if they were indeed profiling then we wouldnt have alot of these problems to begin with..

Stacey...
Thanks...

lv...
ok...

aac...
ohh...I shouldve clarified..Hes alive and well..bh

FG...
Thanks
:-)
I still love flying

ladylight...
well...in Israel..where u have one international airport its alot easier and cheaper to train intelligent security...

sarah...
lets wait n see..(if we make it..lol)

swfm...
ur welcome...yup...tis so

shopa....
lol....actually it must be liberating....
theres this pressure to bring stuff on the plane...that if they dont allow...ahhh would be quite nice..lol
btw..welcome home
:-)

shoshana...
sheesh...did u tell them?

August 17, 2006 11:31 AM  
Blogger Eshet Chayil said...

David, maybe I'm better off not knowing....

August 17, 2006 3:19 PM  
Blogger anonym00kie said...

i agree with lady-light, i think the reason they need to implement all these ridiculous precautions is because the poele working at the airport dont take it seriously, and dont actually use their brains when they do it. they function on automatic pilot!

they once took away a pair of tweezers i had on me, but let me on with a hooka (which is basically a big heavy glass bottle and a big steel rod) because it wasnt on their list of dangerous objects. how ridiculous!

August 17, 2006 3:20 PM  
Blogger FrumGirl said...

Mookie you own a hooka?!?! Scandalous, lol.

Unfortunately I know from firsthand experience that a lot of the secrutiy people are on a power trip. Besides what do you expect from these literally retarded people earning minimum wage anyway.

August 17, 2006 5:41 PM  
Blogger Sara with NO H said...

when I fly they barely even check my id. I flash it, they look and I board. I've never had problems flying. even international it's easy to get on the plane. now coming back is a whole different story.

August 18, 2006 2:18 AM  
Blogger chaverah said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 18, 2006 8:31 AM  
Blogger chaverah said...

cute post! what a vision! to have everyone take off their clothes to put on "terminal" robes to go through security. OY! why do i think one day that just might happen! I guess i would rather have safe then sorry

August 18, 2006 8:32 AM  
Blogger Pragmatician said...

Staying home has never been as appealing

August 18, 2006 9:11 AM  
Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

eshet....
ignorance is bliss

Mookie...
You smoke that??....

FG...
very true...
some people as soon as they put on their polyester uniforms they think theyre god...

sara...
are u a dignitary or something??

chavera...
you'd like that huh?
lol

prag...
hmm I love my home

August 18, 2006 1:15 PM  
Blogger student said...

lol!!! its great to be bak, and catch up on whats going on in blogsville...
Ive flown a hell of a lot in the past few weeks, and yes the security has been tighter, but they're so preoccupied with it, they let on ur cases whatever thay weigh...a gud job for me..
the idea of everyone flying in identical white robes cracks me up...and if we're not allowed makeup-all those shidduchim quite literally 'made in heaven' wont happen anymore..shame :(

August 23, 2006 5:24 AM  
Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

student...
welcome back..Hope uve enjoyed ur holiday.
hmm i dont know about those 35,000 foot high shidduchim..
Who would want someone with his/her head in the clouds anyhow?

August 23, 2006 6:41 PM  
Blogger student said...

thank you! and i did!
hate to tell u but by the time you're 35,000 feet high, you'rewell above the clouds!!!

August 24, 2006 4:37 AM  

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