Sunday, November 05, 2006

Vote for Me!


Well well..I just got my annual “you’re too dumb to know which candidate is good for you so let us tell you who to vote for” letter in the mail from the VAAD of Lakewood.
Very disappointed to see them endorse Menendez when the Senate is on the verge of going to the Dems along with the House. I guess they’re getting more cash from him..

So this year I’ve decided to throw my hat into the ring and run for office.

It’s time for Lakewood to go where no town has gone before.

Here is my platform.

I will not rest until every single tree is gone. Trees are a menace to society. They’re big and ungainly and leave huge messes in the fall which cost taxpayers thousands of dollars to clean up.


The Lake must go. It causes traffic problems and hogs precious land needed for the future development of our town.
I’m working on a preliminary plan to eliminate streets altogether and constructing a network of subterranean streets and access to homes. This will allow us to build tens of thousands of townhouses without any hinderances until Lakewood is one giant simmering ocean of vinyl siding.


The naming of developments must be true to form. Enough with names like Primrose Estates and Village Park They should more accurately reflect their appearance. I want to see more names like Chernobyl Park, Vinyl Village and Treeless Wannabe Estates.


Greeting members of different nationalities, races and religions is strictly forbidden. They must be limited to hand waving at a distance of at least 30 feet.


Borrowing on the flawed logic of the Israeli right wing I say..there are over 50,000 towns and cities in this country controlled by goyim why can’t they let us have one?


When I accomplish all this I’ll pack up, resign and find another little lake to sit by.

Vote for David Lake November 7th!


Novemeber 6 Update: I was offered a substantial bribe to drop out of the race and I accepted it. Thanks for all your support anyhow....

24 Comments:

Blogger Dovid said...

You have my vote! David for the Lake!

November 05, 2006 2:07 PM  
Blogger Moiy-rah said...

um...hello?

you stole my platform-

get off now!!!

or i'll get some nasty radio ad campaign against you!

-moiy

:)

November 05, 2006 4:41 PM  
Blogger anonym00kie said...

sharp!!

November 05, 2006 4:45 PM  
Blogger ~ Sarah ~ said...

you got my vote :P

(there's actually a lake in lakewood?!?! who woulda thunk it!!) ;)

November 05, 2006 4:50 PM  
Blogger BarbaraFromCalifornia said...

I am all for having more Jews in office.

November 05, 2006 6:56 PM  
Blogger chaverah said...

David Lake , GO! GO!

November 05, 2006 8:48 PM  
Blogger Sara with NO H said...

I'm not voting. lol

November 06, 2006 7:42 AM  
Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said...

No way I would vote for you. Terrible taking out the lakes and trees lol.

November 06, 2006 8:04 AM  
Blogger the only way i know said...

Moiy

-Sharing together, that's the thing to do! (la la la...)

:P

November 06, 2006 9:38 AM  
Blogger Shopaholic said...

David? you? run for office?

hmmmm

G-d Bless America.

November 06, 2006 10:10 AM  
Blogger Limey2001 said...

only if you rename my neighborhood to Sahara Desert or Investors Haven

November 06, 2006 11:22 AM  
Blogger kasamba said...

YAY!
David for President!!!!
Finally, an honest potician!

November 06, 2006 11:49 AM  
Blogger smb said...

You got mine too

November 06, 2006 6:02 PM  
Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

Gonzo...
Thnks..knew I could count on u..

moiy...
lol..umm actually this was my platform...first..
u can be my running mate if u'd like..but u have to change into platform shoes first..

m00ks...
Thanks

sarah...
yup..in the meantime the lake is still there

barb...
I'm not

Chaverah...
Thanks!..woohoo

sara...
spoil sport..
:-P

swfm...
hmm ok...we'll let the other guys get one vote..lol

theonly...
perfect...thatll be our campaign jingle
lol

Shopa...
Thanks for ur vote of confidence...thank goodness ur hubby cant vote..lol

limey...
u live near me?..

Kasamba...
president...whoa..thats jumpig the gun dontcha think?
lol

smb...
kaching..
Thanks

November 06, 2006 9:03 PM  
Blogger Shoshana said...

You dropped out??? And I was on my way to vote for you :(

November 07, 2006 3:14 PM  
Blogger Semgirl said...

Its scary how close to reality this is. Reminds me of that movie Crazy People

November 07, 2006 9:01 PM  
Blogger workingema said...

I don't vote- sorry...
I should, but (I shouldn't say this cuz I already almost got killed) I'm too lazy...
but if I would... then I'd vote for you!

November 07, 2006 9:34 PM  
Blogger Open Up! said...

i didn't vote...oh well there's always next time...dave for pres!

November 08, 2006 3:14 PM  
Blogger Lakewood Venter said...

LOLOLOLOL Good one David! I bet you would have gotten more votes than Egert!

November 08, 2006 4:00 PM  
Blogger Lvnsm27 said...

lol, go david

November 08, 2006 6:56 PM  
Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

shoshana...
hmm sorry to dissapoint..was too tempting..lol

semgirl...
unfortunately ur right...

workingema...
yea..there werent any close racrs in NY anyhow...so dont beat urself over the head...lol

Open...
ya think?

LV...
of fer sure...lol

lvnsm...
Thanks!

November 09, 2006 11:09 AM  
Blogger Askinstoo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

November 12, 2006 4:33 AM  
Blogger Independent Frum Thinker said...

Lol! What a post! You deserve a seat on the Va'ad. :)

November 17, 2006 3:55 PM  
Blogger David_on_the_Lake said...

Thanks...I think I'll pass

November 24, 2006 9:37 AM  

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