Vote for Me!

Well well..I just got my annual “you’re too dumb to know which candidate is good for you so let us tell you who to vote for” letter in the mail from the VAAD of Lakewood.
Very disappointed to see them endorse Menendez when the Senate is on the verge of going to the Dems along with the House. I guess they’re getting more cash from him..

So this year I’ve decided to throw my hat into the ring and run for office.

It’s time for Lakewood to go where no town has gone before.

Here is my platform.

I will not rest until every single tree is gone. Trees are a menace to society. They’re big and ungainly and leave huge messes in the fall which cost taxpayers thousands of dollars to clean up.

The Lake must go. It causes traffic problems and hogs precious land needed for the future development of our town.
I’m working on a preliminary plan to eliminate streets altogether and constructing a network of subterranean streets and access to homes. This will allow us to build tens of thousands of townhouses without any hinderances until Lakewood is one giant simmering ocean of vinyl siding.

The naming of developments must be true to form. Enough with names like Primrose Estates and Village Park They should more accurately reflect their appearance. I want to see more names like Chernobyl Park, Vinyl Village and Treeless Wannabe Estates.

Greeting members of different nationalities, races and religions is strictly forbidden. They must be limited to hand waving at a distance of at least 30 feet.

Borrowing on the flawed logic of the Israeli right wing I say..there are over 50,000 towns and cities in this country controlled by goyim why can’t they let us have one?

When I accomplish all this I’ll pack up, resign and find another little lake to sit by.

Vote for David Lake November 7th!


Novemeber 6 Update: I was offered a substantial bribe to drop out of the race and I accepted it. Thanks for all your support anyhow....