Sunday, October 16, 2011

There's someone missing

I stood at the Bimah nerves and adrenaline vying for my attention. This was my ninth year as the Chazzan on Yom Kippur and I still never felt completely comfortable taking on this looming holy task.
But this year I felt especially alone and I wasn't sure why.
I turned around and glanced around the solemn faces trying to pinpoint what it was that was missing.
And then it struck me.
This was the first year that there were no Holocaust survivors in the congregation.
Mr. Gold passed away and Mr. Eisensteins father in law couldn't make it to Shul this year.
I felt a tinge of sadness at the thought of that prospect. Somehow their presence always made me feel like our community had a better shot of Divine grace when they were there.
Somehow when I said the words Avinu Malkeinu Asei L'maan Baei B'aish Uvamayim Al Kiddush Sh'mecha they made a greater impact in the heavens when there were survivors saying it behind me, even though I believe the holocaust has earned us the right to scream those words for another six million years.

I turned around and found the strength to intone the timeless words Hinini He'oni Mimaas. Here I am completely unworthy of representing your congregation before you..afraid and alone....

Like never before...



Blogger Yedid Nefesh said...

Your post gave me chill. My grd mother was a survivor too and she passed away last year as well...
U also reminded me of the song, the deaf man in the shteeble, that for some reason i used to be obsessed with as a kid...

October 17, 2011 5:10 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home