Tuesday, May 01, 2012


There's a huge fraud being perpetrated on our community by none other than our leaders. I don't believe that it's being orchestrated willingly but that doesn't make it any less scandalous.

I'm talking about the very lucrative better parenting/better interpersonal skills motivational speeches/courses industry.

Here's why it's a complete waste of time and money.

The above mentioned issues are not issues which can be logically addressed and fixed. 
The perceived issues are really inside of you or me or whoever is going for help.
The root cause of the problem can usually be narrowed down to a few deep rooted faults that have usually been with us since childhood.
But here's the cruel part.
These traits have been acquired when we were in a stage in our lives where we had no choice in the matter, and so were crucial to our survival.
Anger, Ego and Fear are some of the bodies means of preservation..and when it comes to preservation, no logic in the world can override the mammal inside of you.
Just like you can't help salivating when you're really hungry and a piece of food is placed before you.
People need to realize this.
Instead of acknowledging this, people shame and hide their dark sides compounding the problem.
The more something is smothered..the more it needs to breathe.
One way out for a persons dark side is through projection.
When a person has an issue that he's ashamed of he'll try denying and smothering it. But when that person sees someone else with this same issue he'll project all his anger outward onto that person. This is why people with their own issues are always the first ones jumping all over others with the same issues. Their anger and disgust suddenly has an external target.
Unfortunately this happens oftentimes with our own children.
When a child of ours has a trait that we hate in ourselves, we WILL feel fear, disgust and anger. You can go to a million lectures..it will not help.
Until a person can accept and love himself completely, even his dark side then he will be stuck.
I'm really not sure if the speakers themselves know this or not but if they do then they're doing their audience a terrible disservice.
I personally know of a famous Rav who is a very famous writer and speaker on Shalom Bayis and Chinuch who is an absolute terror in his own home. I'm friends with his son and he would tell me how his father would abuse his own wife mere minutes after counseling other couples.
I truly feel bad for this man. He knows what to do...but CANNOT..because he has not resolved his own internal mess.
I'm not going to go into how this is achieved but I will say that the first step is internalizing the fact that there is no dark side. It's all you and it's all there for a reason.
It's just a shame that speakers don't notify their audiences before expounding on their genius theories.



Blogger Pragmatician said...

Interesting insights but am not sure I agree, suppose no one would suppress their urges and impulses anymore (eventhough it may eat him/her apart inside) is what makes a fairly/somewhat civil society.

BTW, am so not surprised by the counselor who abuses his own family, I could never stand people who believe they are so high and mighty to tell every one else how to behave with their spouses, kids etc..

May 03, 2012 11:48 AM  
Anonymous David said...

I'm not saying that people shouldn't control themselves nor be accountable.
I'm saying the approach is wrong.
It should involve soul searching and self betterment rather than "skills" in how to deal with the situation.

May 03, 2012 1:57 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

WOW. Just wow.

I'd love to repost with credit on my blog, but will respect your wishes. ?

July 16, 2012 7:27 PM  
Anonymous Davidonthelake said...

You can. Just include a link please.

July 17, 2012 10:09 AM  

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