Macho vs Soft

After the terrible tragedy last week at Virginia Tech I noticed two knee jerk reactions.

The Macho reaction. Those complaining about the meekness of our society. Complaining how the students didn’t fight back among the other things. Those vowing to avoid the next attack by introducing more discipline and a hardening of opinion in support of a further proliferation of firearms.

The Soft reaction. Those that felt compassion for other loners and others suffering from mental issues. Those vowing to avoid another attack by looking out for the warning signs early and by vowing to be more inclusive.

This let me to think about how these 2 reactions reflect in other areas of life and in society as a whole. There are Soft societies and Macho societies. There are Soft ways of reacting to many real life situations and Macho ways.

For example up until 100 years ago the world was generally a Macho world. You couldn’t find many compassionate Monarchs or national leaders. Disputes were settled with might and those different than you were not worthy of your compassion.
The horrors of World War 2 saw Western Europe go soft. Incredibly, countries that had been warring non stop for hundreds of years suddenly softened up to one another. The thought of war between England and France is as unfathomable as the thought of 50 years passing without a war was 200 years ago. But it only works because all the countries softened up at the same time creating a micro environment of peace.
Let’s hope it doesn’t take another collosal war to bring the rest of the world to soften up.

Another area where this difference is highlighted is in Chinuch.
I once read a Russian parenting handbook from about 150 years ago where it talks about the punishments to meted out for the smalest infractions. Not only were the punishments too difficult to read ,it also recommended that every child (and wife) be hit at least once a day for no reason whatsoever.
Here we see a clear softening up in the way parents and teachers relate to their kids.
The Belzer Rebbe in his yearly speech to his chassidim this past year talked about how times have changed and hitting/strict discipline is simply no longer effective. You can only reach children through love. He urged Rebbeim and parents to try to relate to kids on their own level and you’ll see that most of the time there really is no reason to get upset.
Another example of Soft trumping Macho...

But perhaps the most dramatic example in western society is mental health. Where up until 30-40 years ago there was no compassion at all for those with mental illness. Those with serious disabilites were locked away for life. There really was not much understanding of the borderline illnesses like depression, schizophrenia, borderline personality disorder etc. Today these illnesses are treated and dealt with compassionately. It’s very easy to jump all over someone who is mentally ill from a macho perspective and demand he/she be put away etc... But if you soften up and try to understand what it’s like to be in his/her mind then a whole new world of compassion opens before you. My Rebbe z’tzl used to say there are no bad people, only sick people. That might be taking it to an extreme but if one really thinks that way then how can you not feel compassion?

The signs are there. One of the hallmarks of the Messianic era is this softening as Yeshaya Hanavi describes it so beautifully. Even the mighty lion will soften up.

Of course until that time we need to find a medium ground. If we soften up completely our enemies will trample us. However if our entire agenda is based on living another day as opposed to making every moment special for as many people as we can then we create a Macho society built on fear.