Shabbos has always been my refuge..getaway
My oasis...in the vast dessert of the day to day
When I can put my yetzer hora to rest
And experience a time..thoroughly blessed
However, the last few weeks..I’ve felt something
Something different..a little depressing
Perhaps a midlife crisis of sorts
My heart and memory in cohorts
To past sins..
I’d rather forget
That it wont let
My shabbos function
The way it should
As thoughts of eternal damnation
Awaits my poor soul..
She seems to be aware..on the day
She is fully awake..
Then I thought
These damaging thoughts
Why the heck am I here?
In this world?
I’m here for him
What right do I have to worry about myself?
And so I pick up the pieces
What will be with me...in the next world
Is none of my concern..
My only concern
Is what will be with God this world
And melancholy on shabbos or anytime is absurd
And this strange joy
And I dance to Hashem
For the gift of Shabbos
And the privelege of being able to praise him..
Even for one moment
Even if I’m marched
Into the gates of hell..
For all eternity