curses

He sat in his place after the closing door told him that he was alone. The Shul was half lit by weak fluorescent bulbs.
He was a poor and childless man and his house was a dark and tense place.
So he lingered here as long as he could.

He opened his Chumash and started learning the enigmatic chapter of the original sin. He suddenly sighed and took off his glasses. He sat there staring into some unseen dimension and starting whispering to Hashem.
He said "Hashem..I can understand if you don't want to bless me, afterall I might not be worthy of blessings..but I'm asking you to curse me..!
Didn't you curse all mankind with the words By the sweat of your face you will eat bread? Hashem...where's my bread? . And Father..did you not curse Eve...You will give birth to children with pain. Where's my curse?? Am I so low..that I'm not even worthy of being cursed?"

The tears were now rolling down his cheeks and he was shaking back and forth in an intense trancelike motion..letting his emotions flow in the emptiness.

He suddenly remembered the Gemara that says that a poor person and one without children are one of the 4 situations in which a person is nechshav k'meis..it's as if he's dead.

And he suddenly realized that he had been reserved for the worst of the primeval curses of them all.
And somehow found comfort in that.


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