The Gods never forget...
Chaim crept through the corridors of his dark mansion to his impressive mahogany study.
He sat down in his leather chair leaned back and closed his eyes. It was 5am in the Weiss home.
He pulled out a cigarette and puffed langurously while spinning his chair slowly. The center of his shrine. This was his daily ritual but today he had a worried expression on his broad face.
It has been 7 years since he had discovered his new religion and his God. Out of Yeshiva his father in law bought him a nice 5 bedroom home in the posh part of town. His eyes opened to a new world and new desires.
One chilly October morning he was sitting in his study analyzing the overnight markets when he had a vision. It was an incredibly lucid apparition. His God appeared to him and spoke to him. The Almighty Dollar told him he must be worthy of his benevolence and must follow his instructions to be bestowed by it. He explained that he receives his almighty power from Judaism, and so Judaism must be used to transfer energy to Him. Certain chants and rituals are especially potent and that if he obliges then he will be handsomely rewarded.
After a few weeks of daily communion and following instructions, The Almighty Dollar started keeping his end of the bargain. But he also made more and more demands. He said, I need you to show your devotion to me by buying a new car that wlll be the nicest car on the block. Chaim gladly obliged enjoying the pleasures of his riches and the gawking of those not enlightened.
Just before Pesach, Chaim was told by The Almighty Dollar that he was not alone. There are many other hidden co-religionists hiding within the ranks of Judaism supplying TAD with his power and influence. He was taught to learn how to identify them and gravitate toward them in shul. He was cautioned to make sure not to get caught in the lure of Judaism. To especially avoid reading Koheles on Sukkos. To sit and talk and not listen to the distracting words.
Before Yom Kippur, The Almighty Dollar came to him in a more somber voice and told him tomorrow would be a big test. TAD gets a lot of energy from this day and from the devotion of his followers. In order to counter-act the strong spiritual pull of the day he was advised to focus instead on bidding and buying Maftir Yonah and Pesicha for Neila. He expected his followers to bid exhorbant amounts, thus illustrating their allegiance and devotion to him.
And so life cruised in this fashion for many years. The house became bigger and bigger, the shrine more elaborate, his wife and kids dressed up to please their new Master.
Everything came to crashing halt last week when the stern looking Doctor told him the words every human dreads to hear “I’m sorry, you have cancer..”
Cancer? How can that be? I’m young. I’m in pretty good health. Chaim was not used to feeling this way. He was used to being the one to call the shots.
He came home to a very somber atmosphere. Suddenly the 10 foot ceilings and the excessive mouldings looked disgusting to him. The chandeliers were too much. The mirror mirror on the wall did not reflect back the fairest of them all.
Here he was in his leather chair, eyes closed in the stillness of pre-dawn. His God was angry with him and was ignoring him now. He desperately needed to summon the Almighty God of Health. He went through prayer books and books of Segulos but could find no way to please a God of Health.
It didn’t take very long. In 3 months he was gone.
His wife made sure that he had the nicest and most expensive tombstone and every year on his yahrtzeit as his wife and children drive up in their brand new,shiny cars, wearing the most expensive clothes, they would always find a mysterious red rose at the foot of the tomb.
The Gods never forget...