Friday, January 16, 2009

Breaking News:



This morning at 9:00am President Bush announced the onset of a full scale invasion of Canada after a flock of Canadian geese brought down an American plane in New York.
This stunning development comes just one week before Bush vacates the White House. In his statement Bush said "We've been tolerating low level terrorism from these geese for years now, from goose droppings to grass decimation, but we simply cannot stay silent in the face of such a brazen well coordinated attack." Bush also announced tougher surveillance of Canadian geese communities in the United States and said that ducks will also be targeted lest people think that we're profiling.
It is hoped that the operation will be done by the time the new Obama administration takes power next week. In the meantime Vice President Cheney has secretly instructed Halliburton to prepare to assume control of vast gas and mineral fields in Northern Canada.
American troops could be seen pouring across the border in Minnesota, North Dakota, Vermont, New York and Washington.
Overnight hundreds of American fighter jets bombarded key geese breeding zones. A school full of children was allegedly flattened after 3 geese could clearly be seen hiding behind the building.

President Elect Obama, when asked about this incursion stated that America has only one president at a time and he had no comment.


In the meantime, America woke up to new hero in Captain Chesley Sullenberg who managed to bring the plane down safely into the Hudson River. Sullenberger aside for being a pilot for US Airways, also has an Airline Safety Consulting Firm. Investigators are looking into allegations that last week during one of his classes entitled Keeping Your Cool in a Panic Situation he winked and told the class to "stay tuned for a live demonstration".

The miraculous rescue of everyone on board had the National Union of Comedians breathing a sigh of relief, noting that "we could start making jokes right away" instead of waiting the traditional month or so after a tragedy.


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3 Comments:

Anonymous Eve said...

In an unprecedented move aimed at improving health for bloggers everywhere, the Federation for Safe Commenters issued a summons to David Lake for causing shortness of breath and chronic hiccuping to those who read his Jan. 16 post.

The sentence is expected to be harsh, in light of the current global situation and economy.

Mr. Lake was unavailable for comment when we attempted to contact him, but instead threw goose feces at our reporters.

January 16, 2009 10:53 AM  
Blogger Floating Reflections said...

Lol. Might be an idea for a new runway considering the JFK is getting a bit too busy at peak times. ;)

January 18, 2009 10:15 AM  
Blogger SemGirl said...

Havent been to this blog in ages. Glad to see commenting enabled again.

January 19, 2009 7:46 AM  

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