my eternal alter-ego

age is such a fleeting
..flowing concept...bleeding
from one year to the next
very few markers and frames of context
one day..the whole world is older
....and then, that's all over your shoulder
and before you..are doctors that are suddenly
younger..as well as athletes and senators..under me
..in age..and the hard part is that in terms of contrast
........all that's available are the years past
the youthful vibrant years in my memory
..while the ragged years ahead, await conceptually

so...I turn to the ever youthful world of sports
............to find my alter-ego of sorts
in that sweltering summer of 74
...while America was bumbling it's way to the end of war
and while Nixon was sweating his way from lie to lie
2 boys were born...right under the publics eye
one in Brooklyn..the other in Piscataway
and while one picked up his pen..and put his bat away
the other kept slugging and chugging his way up
..until lo and behold he was leader of his club
so here we are together..obscurity and celebrity
............yours truly living vicariously
I pray for hit 4,000, 5000 and 6000 too
..for as long as Derek Jeter is out there..turning two

....the boys of summer of 74
remain eternally young and strong
.......and summer days go on and on...and on




.

sometimes life

.

sometimes...life
....approaches like
a beastlike dance
....................partner
demanding a waltz

one can either
.....embrace it

and learn to dance
...with the beast
(and wait until the last petal inevitably falls)


Or one can run
and run......
....and runnnn



the problem with running is..
.....once you start
you can never
.........stop






.

To DO not to BE..The great misconception...

God doesnt want us to BE..
He wants us to DO...

He doesnt want me to BE frum
He wants me to DO frum
He doesnt want me to BE righteous
he wants me to DO righteous

Such a freeing concept
People get stuck their states of being.
Instead of their state of doing..
BEING is very limiting. People get stuck in their self images.
I'm not even talking about the dangers of negative self image or the harmfulness of feeling like a BAD person.
Even when someone "becomes" a righteous person, they become stuck in their state of being. They lose their ability for total and rigorous honesty.
They start weaving a narrative about themselves and ignore the subtle things that don't fit with the story line.

The Gemara states in Brachos 33b Where the baal teshuvah (penitant) stands, even the perfectly righteous cannot stand in that place...
That's because the baal teshuvah is versatile. The baal teshuva denotes a sense of doing whereas the Tzadik is in a static sense of BEing.
One DOES while the other IS.
When one begins to think this way, it becomes difficult to get down on yourself for not being something you're not. That's not the goal.
The goal is to DO and that's something that's ALWAYS immediately at hand.


.

It's not what you think....(tisha b'av)

.



He hated this little shack
...out in the cold wilderness
in isolated indignity

He wondered...all the time
...why couldn't they go back home
where they belong...?

and so one day he asked her
...and she said

You don't understand...
...all the damaged you've done to our house
has made it too toxic for me
......I need to wait until it's cleaned up

and then he dared ask..

...but why then can't I go back?
why must I live here as well
(and regretted it as soon as the words slipped out...)
...?

She looked at him and sighed...
...don't you see?

you're here..because I can't
...live without you


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